I cannot now or ever give birth.When she was pregnant my now ex-wife told me about how the baby wasmoving in her. Her description of what she was feeling inside herincluded a smile on her face that told me of the joy she wasexperiencing. I was happy for her and happy for me who was becomingthat child?s father, but I needed to experience that miracle from herperspective. Unless a miracle happens I will never experience the joyof knowing I am pregnant or feeling that baby kick or giving birth.My former supervisor told me that what I missed was no big deal, butshe had the choice and she gave birth. I never will. No one except afew that are like me that I have given love to and receive love backwill ever call me mom. I have given some of them strength. I have givensome of them the will to endure. I have given some of them the strengthto, as Shakespeare?s Hamlet put it, to be instead of not to be.Every night I ask G_d to do that miracle and allow them to really be mydaughters like they. Lakshmi’s father had deserted her mother Rani as she was adamant to keep Lakshmi with her and not throw her out. So Rani’s father had deserted her mother.After couple of months Kamala came to me once and said in the evening alternative days, her daughter Rani will come for work instead of her. I said fine without any thought.Rani came the next day and I was surprised to see her – though she was dark complexion had cute face and flat belly and maintained good hygiene. We hardly talked after couple of weeks, one fine day Rani asked me you talk to my daughter Lakshmi why I do not talk to her and I was surprised to hear this question from her.Then I told her what she expects me to do? Then she said Lakshmi is happy being here and so she is, is ready to do anything for the care I take for Lakshmi I did not get what was she expecting? Then I said what do you mean? Saying oh Rani dropped her Pallu of her saree exposing her blouse and then I understood she needs physical satisfaction.Then I.
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